How Do You Know if Hes a Rebound
If celebrity relationships take taught us anything, it's that rebound relationships hardly ever work out long-term. And ofttimes, we rebound with someone who was the exact reverse of our previous partner. Remember when Scarlett Johansson dated the much older Sean Penn after she and Ryan Reynolds split? Or when Nicole Kidman shacked upward with Lenny Kravitz right after getting divorced from Tom Prowl? No surprise to anyone, but these relationships ended rather apace.
That's because rebound relationships ofttimes spell doom for budding romances. As popular opinion goes, rebounds reek of sadness and regret: Ane person has just gotten out of a long-term relationship, is likely yet hurting from that breakdown, and grabs onto another person to bury the hurting. It's non a dandy state of affairs (though some research says that people who rebound may have better self-esteem than those who don't).
And if you're the reboundee, rather than the rebounder, you may be along for a confusing ride. Most people don't but announce that they're using you to rebound. Hell, they might non even realize that they're rebounding. So how exercise you know if y'all're in a rebound situation? We talked to iv sex and relationship experts to determine 11 signs (or ruby flags) that your partner is rebounding with y'all.
If you read these signs and it sounds similar your relationship, the near of import matter yous need to do is be very clear virtually what you're looking for from the relationship, and and so ask what your partner is looking for. "If you're happy having a casual fling, then by all means, a rebound can be a lot of fun," says sex therapist Vanessa Marin. "But if you're looking for a relationship, it'south best for yous to step away and let the person fully heal before starting something new with you."
The person has no idea why their terminal relationship ended, and can't tell you what they learned from it.
"This usually tells us that they oasis't washed much reflection and lack some awareness," says Vienna Pharaon, a licensed wedlock and family therapist. "They don't need to divulge the whole story right off the bat, but information technology'due south a skilful sign when someone can tell you why something didn't work, take ownership for what is theirs, and admit what may have been going on for the other person." If the person yous're dating isn't able to that, odds are they oasis't fully candy their last relationship, and they might still be "stuck" on their ex.
They're keeping it casual.
"Many rebound relationships start with the very intention of non being permanent," says Sadie Allison, PhD, a sexologist and relationship expert. If your partner is existence aloof, non-committal, or has directly-out said that they're "not looking for anything serious," then it's possible they're coming off of a bad breakup and don't want to dive into a new romantic commitment until they've had fourth dimension to heal. If that's the case, information technology'due south best to respect their boundaries—don't push a monogamous human relationship if they're telling you they don't desire to dive into a romantic delivery. They're doing the mature matter by being honest about what they can requite. Take their words at face value.
Yous're merely getting to know each other, but it already feels similar y'all're in an established human relationship.
And so there's the reverse of keeping information technology casual: when afterwards just a few weeks, it feels like you're in a serious, committed relationship. "Does your partner already seem to know exactly what they need? Practice they seem to just desire to plug you in to their established routine?" asks sexual activity therapist Stephen Snyder, MD, author of Love Worth Making: How to Have Ridiculously Slap-up Sex in a Long-Lasting Relationship . "Sometimes that tin can be a sign that they haven't really come to terms with the loss of their last relationship, and they're but trying to keep the former bear witness going with a new bandage."
They're clearly non over their last relationship.
Possibly your partner has claimed over and over again that they no longer take feelings for their ex, just you lot're just not buying it. "If she tells yous her previous relationship ended recently and says she's 'over it' and acting super happy, but seems like she'south covering hurt feelings, it'due south possible you lot're her rebound," Allison says.
It's also a red flag if the person presents every bit totally unaffected by their last relationship ending, Pharaon adds. "Endings commonly bring something upwards for us, even if it's relief," she says. "If a person presents with non feeling a single thing, it may be an indicator that they're disconnected from their emotions and disassociating from the experience."
They talk about their ex all the fourth dimension.
Certain, some people stay friends with their exes, and if your new bae has brunch with her (or his, or their) ex every Sunday, maybe it's non and then weird for her to talk most him. Merely if she's talking nigh him all the time, without the friendship to dorsum it up, and so there'southward a chance she'south yet hung up on old feelings, Marin says.
They constantly compare you to their ex.
In a like vein, if the person you lot're dating is constantly comparing you to their ex—saying you're so much better than (or worse than) their previous partner—then they're likely non over their ex.
"It distracts from the 2 of you lot getting to know one another and write your own story," Pharaon says. "If yous're feeling like it'due south a competition, information technology may be because it'south how the person either validates that the ending was a good decision—because you're improve than the ex—or that they're still worried that they made the wrong call—because they keep their ex on a pedestal."
They deliberately avoid talking nigh their ex.
Then again, complete silence around the ex could also be a red flag. "It's a sign if she avoids talking about her ex completely, and you sense she has a lingering resentment for him," Allison says. Most people aren't super chatty about their exes with new partners, but at that place's a divergence betwixt not talking nearly an ex considering they never come up upward and specifically avoiding any mention of an old fling. "If y'all know she's had a recent break-up, and her ex is a non-topic, then that would be pretty good indicator that these are rebound-triggered bug," Allison says.
They won't open upwardly.
New relationships are all about exploration—you lot're learning as much equally yous can about this person who's all of a sudden so of import in your life. So, if your new partner is property dorsum, if they seem vulnerable and unsure, or you lot feel like they're putting on a faux smile but non actually letting you get to know them, then that could be a sign of rebound. "She's non giving you deep, sincere eye-contact and feels like she's not fully present," Allison says. "She seems overly into yous, spends a lot of time with you, merely doesn't seem to be her authentic self or always 'let you inside', or go deep with y'all."
They're over-eager almost advertisement your new relationship.
Sure, nosotros all go excited when we're dating someone new, and while we may desire to shout our love from the rooftops, it's non a cracking sign if your new partner is doing this before long after meeting y'all. "It's normal in a new human relationship to want to show off your new partner to the globe—only only once yous're sure the relationship is solid and secure," says Synder. "Sometimes with a new partner who'south on the rebound, the sequence will feel out of whack. They'll want to evidence yous off start, earlier you've really gotten to know each other."
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They're using you for sexual activity.
"The relationship may but exist for the convenience of having sex activity and distracting herself from her emotions," Allison says. "If you feel no emotional connection when intimate with her, that could be a sign." Now, there's nada wrong with casual sexual activity, if y'all and your partner are both upfront about wanting a purely physical relationship. Simply if you're trying to make a human relationship work and your partner is merely in information technology for the sexual distraction, that could be a problem.
They're leaning in as well hard, and also fast.
You've been dating for six weeks, but it feels like it's been a twelvemonth. Maybe you've establish that fairytale, love-at-kickoff-sight kind of moment—or maybe you're a rebound. "People coming out of long-term relationships aren't in the habit of interacting casually, so they may care for you as a partner rather than someone they're getting to know," Marin says. It'south possibly a bad sign if your new bae is treating you lot every bit if yous've been in a relationship for a lot longer than yous have.
They're giving you mixed signals.
Because someone in a rebound is simultaneously trying to distract themself from thinking about their ex and likely still hurting from their breakup, they can easily give off mixed signals, Marin says. Ane moment it may feel as if they're falling for y'all, and the next they may brush you off. If you can't go a sense of how your partner really feels, information technology may be time for a talk.
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Source: https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a26308486/rebound-relationship-signs/
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